Conscious parenting 101

Conscious parenting is the act of being mindful about how you parent your children. Raising children to become mature, well-adjusted adults is a process that requires commitment and a plan of action. It doesn’t happen by accident, nor does it happen overnight. Karen Cohen from Purpose Plus Coaching in Cape Town shares a few tips for mindful parenting:

1) Listen without interrupting. Listening shows you care and want to know your child’s thoughts. Let’s say your son is feeling upset about losing a cricket match – instead of talking over him or trying to fix the feeling, let him talk it out; allow him to express himself and get to the words and feelings on his own.

2) Read books and articles that expose you to different parenting styles. Then choose your style and stick to it. With respect to discipline, each parent has their own views based on their experiences from the home environment in which they were raised. Discuss your historical discipline styles with your partner, consider different styles from reliable resources and choose one that fits your family’s lifestyle and values.

3) Look at today’s problems as tomorrow’s solutions. In other words, develop a solutions-oriented parenting style. When challenges set in, see them as opportunities for growth and work towards overcoming them. If you have a positive outlook, your child is far more likely to develop one too.

4) Avoid negative language. For example, instead of saying, ‘Vusi is not good at maths,’ say, ‘Vusi has not yet mastered maths’. ‘Not yet’ instils confidence; it implies that you see learning and life skills as works in progress, and your child will sense that you’re confident they’ll master the necessary skills in time.

5) Be a good role model. Do you scream and shout when you get angry? If so, is it surprising when your child responds the same way? Remember, they’re learning from the best. Take a deep breath when you’re about to lose your composure and put yourself in ‘time out’. Your children will learn that that is a healthy way to calm down and will hopefully model this behaviour too as they mature. Admit when you make mistakes. Your child needs to know that you’re human too.

6) Notice and celebrate the things they do right instead of the things they do wrong. This builds self-esteem and develops a positive parent-child relationship.

7) Spend quality time with your children every day. Make sure you’re present in this time and not distracted by social media or your favourite TV programme. Read them a bedtime story, chat about their day or simply enjoy a meal together. Quality time sends the message that you enjoy being with your children and it encourages open communication.