Give us an R!

Resilience is a key life skill that can only make you stronger. Setbacks and challenges are inevitable, but you can learn to thrive in today’s uncertain world.

When you’re navigating a rough patch, you may want to throttle the next well-meaning person who says, ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’. But they’re right. Adversity is good for you, it does make you stronger, and it’s filled with useful lessons.

To get from the floundering-in-quicksand type of adversity to pulling yourself up, dusting yourself off and skipping into the sunset, you need to learn an important life skill: resilience. Because without it, life’s knocks would wear you down. Challenges – whether they’re personal, career-related or social – will never go away. But navigating them correctly means looking at them from all angles, choosing how you will react to them, and then moving forward. This approach will enhance your progress and enjoyment of life – at work and home. And yes, it can be learned.

Understanding resilience

Resilience is that powerful, yet sometimes elusive, ingredient that enhances your ability to grow in significant ways, and build a life that is about thriving rather than surviving,’ says Lowe. ‘It’s not just about coping – it’s about developing, growing and blossoming. ’But it’s not about ‘bouncing’ back either. Most of the time, it’s a battle, not a bounce – an ongoing process that can last for years. American clinical psychologist Meg Jay offers key advice on how to get there

The A-Z of learning resilience

Create your personal strategy – and reap the rewards

• Reframe events as challenges rather than catastrophes
• View your failures as opportunities for growth
• Have an attitude of ‘I’ll do whatever it takes to resolve my dilemma’ and ‘I’m here for the long haul, so I might as well make it great…’
• Focus on aspects of your situation you can control
• View your predicament as temporary rather than permanent. It helps events seem more manageable
• Separate a negative event from the positive aspects of your life
• Try to be objective and look at the whole picture
• Set goals, decide on a course of action and resolve the problem by following your plan
• Be optimistic. Have faith in your plan and believe in your success.

Do you need help?

Manage your mental health, with Bankmed’s assistance, by completing quick and easy assessments on your psychological wellbeing, stress triggers and social support. You’ll receive valuable health advice, as well as an onward referral to your Employee Wellness Programme or GP if you are at risk. For more, visit www.bankmed.co.za

1. No matter what your problem, recognise your struggle is valid
   Too often, you might feel your challenges are small compared to the major catastrophes others might suffer – such as war and genocide. However, acknowledging your issue is legitimate – and not being ashamed it might be seen as trivial by others – is the first step towards cultivating resilience.
2. Identify ways you are already resilient
   Think back on three times in your life when you’ve been confronted with difficulties. How did you survive them? What did you do to make the situation more bearable? By answering these questions, you’ll realise you have already flexed your resilience muscle.
3. Don’t wait for the situation to fix itself
   Think like an ‘active coper’. Instead of hoping things will miraculously change for the better, tackle the situation head-on. Be gentle with yourself. Don’t expect things to change overnight, but know that your stress levels will lessen if you start taking action.
4. Know your strengths and use them
   Grab onto aspects of your life where you perform well. Perhaps you have an excellent work ethic, maybe your strength lies in acts of charity or your family really appreciates your cooking. While you are struggling with difficulties, getting enjoyment from other activities will help you through.
5. Don’t try to do it alone
   Seek support. It doesn’t need to be a therapist or counsellor. A friend, trusted relative or workmate might be just the sounding board you need. Resilience doesn’t mean coping with everything yourself. It means asking for help – or just a sympathetic ear – when you need it. If your support network is a little frayed, get out there and find people who will listen and care.
6. Take frequent mental breaks
   You might not be able to fix your problems overnight, but you can protect yourself from feeling overwhelmed by them. Resilient people fight back where they can, but also make a point of taking physical and emotional time out from the stressors. Read a book, go for a hike, book tickets for a music concert.
7. Be compassionate with yourself
   By learning to cope with stress, you become stronger and gain more confidence. Instead of concentrating on the broken parts of your life (a divorce, the loss of a job) focus your attention on the ways in which you have been strong in the past – and acknowledge how you are being strong in the present.

Resilience at work

• View every experience at work as an opportunity to learn and grow. People who believe they can learn from mistakes have greater resilience
• Find meaning and purpose in your work and in your failures
• Research shows that if you’re doing a stressful task to help others or because you believe in the cause, your stress is minimised. Your body will experience a so-called ‘challenge response’ rather than a stress response, which can make you healthier
• Find opportunities for laughter and joy at work if you want to become more resilient. You are most creative and solution-focused when you’re relaxed and happy.

Getting your mind right

You can’t control your circumstances, but you can increase your resilience to them by developing a sense of mastery over your life. These two psychological methods might help

• Cognitive behavioural therapy. CBT helps to regulate or process distressing thoughts and emotions. Focusing on bad things can have a negative impact on your emotional and physical health. Learn to move through negative thoughts and memories – it’s crucial to your wellbeing
• Mindfulness training and meditation helps place you in the present moment, where you don’t ruminate about the past and future. Mindfulness training has been shown to improve post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, alcohol addiction and physical health problems following trauma.

Lighten the load

• By sharing your information, ideas and emotions with online support groups, you’ll find comfort in knowing you are not alone in experiencing difficulty
• Books by people who have successfully managed adverse situations can motivate you to find a personal approach that works for you
• By licensed mental health professional can help you develop a strategy for moving forward.